


We're not broken (just bent)

by LilithReisender



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brainwashing, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), I wrote this instead of writing my college essay, M/M, Naomi is evil and I hate her, No redeeming qualities for you, but heavy on the angst, fake!dean, sorry everybody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27170335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilithReisender/pseuds/LilithReisender
Summary: With how many Dean-clones that Naomi made Castiel kill, how many times did he refuse? How many times did he stand his ground? How many times did Castiel say "screw it" and decide to kiss Dean breathless?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	We're not broken (just bent)

**Author's Note:**

> This entire thing was based off of [This Post](https://flowersforcas.tumblr.com/post/631144834177122304/how-many-times-do-you-think-castiel-told-a)

He couldn't do it.

He knew it wasn't Dean, not really. This fake thing that they had made didn't have Dean's soul, couldn't even begin to imitate the brilliance of it or the way it flares and reaches out to him. But it was Dean's eyes and Dean's voice calling out to him, and Castiel couldn't do it. 

"Kill him." Castiel heard the voice coming from somewhere behind him, cold and commanding, but as far as he could tell there was no one else there other than him and the thing that was and wasn't Dean. 

This Dean didn't plead for his life, he just stood there, staring at Castiel with that cruel and beautiful gaze that seemed to see right into his grace. The blade that Castiel hadn't realized he was holding slipped from his hands, falling to the ground with the deafening clang of metal on concrete. Dean kept staring at him, but his expression was softer now, kinder, and for a moment Castiel almost let himself believe that maybe this was real because the way Dean was looking at him made Castiel want to hold him and never let go. Dean took a step forward, smiling openly now as he reached one hand out towards Castiel, but then he froze, his back straightening as he gasped for air. Blood seeped from his abdomen and Castiel rushed forward just in time to catch him as Dean's knees collapsed. Dean grabbed at him, clasping on to the folds of his jacket as Castiel put his hand over the wound to try and heal him. 

It didn't work.

Dean kept trying to speak, his mouth was moving but no words were coming out as he pulled at Castiel's shirt. He was covered in blood now, they both were. Castiel pressed his hands against the wound, trying to stop the bleeding but nothing was working. Nothing was working and Castiel couldn't heal him and why couldn't he heal him? And Dean was so unnaturally silent as he kept trying to speak, trying to tell Castiel something important, but nothing was coming out and there was so much blood and why couldn't Castiel fix it? He floundered, trying to do something, anything that could save Dean's life, but it was of no use.

Dean Winchester died in his arms.

"I must say Castiel, I am rather disappointed in you." Castiel looked up from where he held Dean's body, holding it closer to him as he met Naomi's eyes. She snapped her fingers and Dean was gone. No blood. No body. No trace he had ever existed. Castiel looked down at his now-empty hands, they were clean, too clean. It wasn't real, it had never been real. Anger surged within him, white-hot and blinding. He lunged for the blade on the ground and spun to his feet, immediately crouching down into a fighting position. Naomi's eyes flashed, and while Castiel saw the woman in front of him that she was possessing, he also saw her true form, saw her rear up and watched her lioness' head snarl. Every fiber of her being was ready for battle at a moment's notice, and Castiel knew that this would be a fight he could not win. He sheathed his blade but didn't relax. His eyes frantically scanned the room for an exit, but he found nothing. Naomi must have made this place specifically for him, to keep him trapped there until she said otherwise. 

"Castiel," she said, breaking the tense silence that had fallen between them. "You are a good soldier, a warrior of God." She stepped closer, the click of her heels echoing against the concrete. "But you have forgotten your mission, your truth."

"My mission? My mission was to rescue the Righteous Man. I would say that I have done more than well in that regard."

"Yes. That. You've grown too attached, Castiel. Ever since you brought Dean Winchester out of Hell, your Grace has been in chaos. Can you not see what your loyalty to him has cost you? He has stolen you away from Heaven, from your responsibilities, from your family." Naomi smiled at him, a warm and inviting smile that Castiel remembered from days long past, where they fought side-by-side, the Heavenly Host united. "We want you to come back to us Castiel, rejoin Heaven and be a part of our family again."

Castiel almost believed her. 

~*~

Dean lunged at him with a knife, the glint of the angel blade in his hands was almost as cold as the light in his eyes as he swung at Castiel. He dodged it easily, stepping back as Dean stumbled past him. This Dean wasn't nearly as good a fighter as the real one, they had gotten that bit wrong, and it served as a reminder to Castiel that this wasn't really Dean. But like the real Dean, this one turned around and lunged at him again. Castiel grabbed Dean's wrist as he swung, easily taking the blade from his hand and throwing it to the other side of the room. Once again, Dean didn't say anything as he stared at Castiel, his face frozen in a familiar expression of rage. Dean exhaled sharply, and Castiel thought he would stand down, but instead he twisted sharply, trying to get out of Castiel's grasp. Instead, Castiel used the momentum to jerk Dean back, pulling Dean's back against his chest as he held his own blade to Dean's throat. Dean struggled against him, trying to escape, but Castiel was stronger.

"Kill him." The order came through clearly. Castiel's jaw clenched and he tightened his hold on Dean, pressing the blade up against Dean's neck. Castiel expected Dean to fight back, but instead he relaxed, leaning back against Castiel. 

_"Cas,"_ Dean breathed out his name with a sigh. He didn't say anything else, just "Cas," just the name that he had given Castiel. He jerked back, a dozen memories flashing before him as he scrambled backward, trying to get away from Dean, from Naomi, from wherever he was right now. 

"Interesting." Naomi was standing next to Dean, her hand on his shoulder. Castiel tensed, frozen in place as she ran her fingers down Dean's jaw. "Normally the reprogramming kicks in right away, it's certainly always been like that for you. Then again, I forgot to factor in how... headstrong you can be when it comes to Dean Winchester." Naomi shifted, cupping Dean's face in her hands, before Castiel could react she twisted her hands in one sharp movement and Dean collapsed to the floor.

Castiel was powerless as he watched Dean die in front of him for the second time.

~*~

_"Kill Dean Winchester."_

Dean backed up slowly, holding his hands up as he tried to reason with Castiel. 

"Cas, buddy, it's me. It's Dean." Castiel marched forward, he had a mission, orders that had to be followed. Castiel shoved Dean up against the wall, his forearm pressed against Dean's chest as he held his knife to Dean's throat. Dean swallowed, looking Castiel straight in the eyes. "Cas, please." He grabbed Castiel's shoulder, _"Castiel."_

Castiel blinked, his own name echoing through his brain as all the walls Naomi had put in him came crashing down. _None of this was real._ Castiel dropped his knife, and Dean let out a soft laugh that made Castiel's head swim. This wasn't Dean, not _his_ Dean. But it was Dean's laugh and Dean's smile and Dean's hands that were holding on to him and weren't letting go. It wasn't Dean, but it was close enough. Castiel stepped forward so that they were chest to chest, bringing his hands up to cup Dean's face and pull him into a kiss. It was rough and messy and desperate and it wasn't how Castiel had ever imagined kissing Dean, but if nothing here was real then he could at least have this, a moment of happiness to match however much longer he would be trapped here. He ran his hands through Dean's hair, and he felt Dean's hands settle on his hips and Castiel knew this couldn't last but he also wouldn't stop because he knew that any minute now-

"Are you done yet?" Naomi's voice taunted. Instantly Cas pulled away, shoving Dean behind him. Naomi raised an eyebrow. "Cute, protecting your little crush. But he's not real." Castiel risked looking back to see, and sure enough, Dean was gone. 

"What do you want from me?" Castiel growled. His head was spinning, trying to remember where he was, what he was supposed to do. Briefly, he wondered if Sam and Dean were worried about him, but then he realized that they most likely didn't even know he was gone. He was alone.

"What I _want,_ " Naomi said, shaking her head impatiently, "is for you to follow orders. Do as you're told. Come on now Castiel, you're only making this harder on yourself. It's simple really, kill Dean Winchester, and I'll let you go back. Until then," she smiled, and suddenly Castiel was reminded of what she had done back at Sodom and Gomorrah, "you're all mine."

~*~

Sometimes Castiel didn't fight back. 

_"Kill him."_ The order came through clearly, leaving no room for interpretation or leeway, but when he saw Dean coming up to him he just, stopped. Castiel didn't raise his fists, didn't unsheathe his blade, and when Dean swung at him Castiel didn't move to defend himself. Pain shot across Castiel's face as Dean's fist made contact. He was vaguely aware that the blow would most likely leave a bruise, but right now he didn't care. They couldn't make him betray Dean, not again. He let Dean hit him over and over again, each blow a physical reminder of what he was fighting for. He could hear Naomi telling him to fight back, to kill him, could feel how much easier it would be to let himself sink back into the lull of following his orders and trusting that they were right and just. 

_"Dean."_ Dean's hand froze, pulled back, ready to deliver the final blow. "I love you." The fist swung, and everything went black.

~*~

_"I love you."_

A kiss.

~*~

_"I love you."_

A blow.

~*~

_"I'm sorry."_

Castiel watched himself do it. He watched his hand tighten around the blade, watched himself plunge it into Dean's chest, felt Dean's blood run over his hands. 

Castiel's hands immediately went to Dean's face, checking to see if there was a pulse, but he knew better than to be optimistic. Even Dean, with his knack for cheating death, couldn't escape what Castiel had done. He wanted to sob, to scream until the room broke apart and raze heaven to the ground, but he didn't have the luxury of grief. 

Dean Winchester was dead by his hands.

"Good, Castiel. Now do it again."

~*~

Unfortunately, it got easier. 

Castiel killed Dean a dozen different times and a dozen different ways and with each time Dean died with Castiel's name on his lips he felt himself grow a little bit more numb, a little bit more distant, until he could do the action without thought. _It wasn't Dean, it wasn't Dean, it wasn't-_

~*~

_"Kill him Castiel!"_ Naomi screamed at him. 

Dean knelt before him, his face a bloody mess as he gripped Castiel's arm, begging him to stop. This had happened before, so many times now. Dean, in front of him, pleading for his life; Castiel, ready to deliver the final blow and end it all. 

"Cas, we're family. We need you. _I_ need you." _I love you._ Dean didn't say the words out loud, but he said it in every other way. He said it with his hands that clutched at him, with his eyes that pleaded with him, with the silent prayer that Castiel could hear louder than Naomi's orders, with the way his soul still reached for him. This was Dean in front of him, _his_ Dean. How had Castiel ever thought any of Naomi's imitations could even compare to the Dean Winchester in front of him. The Dean who was angry and loud and righteous and good and who _felt_ everything so strongly that Castiel understood how someone could "wear their heart on their sleeve." Dean wore his heart on every part of his body.

Castiel reached down to cup Dean's face with one hand, the way he had done a million times with those facsimiles in heaven, but nothing he had done in Heaven compared to the relief he felt when he was able to heal Dean's wounds. Dean spoke, but before Castiel could hear what he said, he was pulled upwards to someplace he vaguely remembered.

Naomi sat in front of him, seething with fury, but Castiel didn't care. He stared at her, his head finally clear for the first time in what felt like centuries as he spoke.

"I will not hurt Dean Winchester!"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I haven't written (and published) any destiel fics in a few months, so I hope this turned out okay.  
> [Come say hi to me on tumblr!](https://goindowninablazeofglory.tumblr.com/)


End file.
